This weekend was very difficult, but Friday was the worst. Even though it wasn't the date of the accident it was the day. I had replayed in my mind (from three-thirty on) the entire afternoons events. As I saw the buses running it made me very sad. I imagined how happy and excited you were when Friday came around. You always had your plans mapped out, as I know you did for that weekend as well. It's really hard to pass by the middle school, and see all the kids your age going about their routines. There were no trips to Dominion this year, and no one to ask me to order clothes from the CCS magazine for back to school. I still get your magazine and look through it. I wish I could still just buy you something. It was a very quiet back to school, no trips to Walmart, no papers to fill out, no teachers to meet. All the things that drove me crazy, I truly long to do them again. I know by now you were usually counting down till your birthday (marking off the days). I think about what a big one this would have been. You would have been a teenager this year, you would have probably grown a foot, maybe your voice would have changed....I guess I won't ever know. With the end of the first year comes the reality that you are not coming back, and I am not going to have you for a long time or until God says I can. I know to some it sounds crazy, but last year at this time I truly thought the world was coming to an end. I think it was because such a huge part of my world ended. A part of me died. A part of me couldn't bear to go on. So naturally my thought was that it must be Gods time to return. I didn't think that he could leave me here in this state of pain. I have learned over the last year that God does not operate that way, and that many others have lost loved ones and had to walk this same road (God Bless them all!). God has shown me that his grace is sufficient to get me through the toughest trial. Everytime that I miss you and cry out for you.... I hear His voice and it tells me that he has you. He tells me that he loves you more than I do (unimagineable). He knew of this tradgedy and trial before the world was ever created. Everyday I feel a little bit stronger, but that does not mean a minute goes by that I am not wondering what you are doing. I know you are happy and worshipping God. I know you are cheering us on till that day we get to be with you in heaven. When I don't feel like praying or worshipping.... I feel your encouragement because I know you want your family and friends to be with you again. I remember when you were a little bitty boy, you told me that you were going to build your house in my front yard so you could be with me forever. I never thought much about that other than it was so cute, but now I think that one day your mansion might be right in front of mine. Save a place. I love you Zachary forever. Love Mom